Spam Filter - Notes for the Do-It-Yourselfer

Necessity is indeed the mother of invention.
Being between jobs right now, I've become adept at stretching the dollar. In that vein, an idea struck me that has helped flesh out my pantry on the cheap.
My spam filter had been overactive lately and I began to think, "what would this thing do for me beyond the confines of my computer?" So I hooked it up to my friend's air conditioner, as well as the filtration system in her apartment building's swimming pool. Checking back a couple days later - sure enough: trapped spam. Now I realize that my forthcoming advice will be lost on the vegetarians out there, but for the meat-eaters on budgets, read on about my experiences in turning what was ostensibly a pc security system into a modern day food-gatherer.

The pool spam filter was a lot more productive than the air filter, by about three-to-one. However, it is important to harvest pool spam frequently. Left too long, leaves and dead frogs can accumulate. A tasty salad to accompany the spam dinner? Perhaps, but this is for acquired tastes only.

Although new to me, a little research showed that the spam filter is only the latest tool to be employed in a long history of spam-gathering. Native Americans had been trapping spam in the wild for generations. As was their way, they would use every part of the spam, letting nothing go to waste. In fact, skilled spamherds could fashion their pelts into great coin purses. These would prove quite valuable centuries later when white men would introduce American Indians to "coins."

Sorry to say, though, that in the age of technology, spam collecting has become increasingly the domain of big agribusiness. The romantic notions of the wild spam hunts of yore, for the purposes of subsistence, have been relegated to the past. Today's factory farms employ much less humane methods in their soulless search for profits. In fact, almost from birth, young spamlets are raised inside rectangular tins where they spend the whole of their miserable lives. The upside is that spam filters are increasingly common and cheap these days. Put yours to work for you and don't throw your money at the heartless spam tycoons!

October 10, 2004: A Cat's Life

Each weekday at 7:25 I hear my next-door neighbor leave her apartment for work. This may well be the best part of my day. I roll over in bed, finding a more comfortable position among the pillows and sheets. The skies are invariably clear this time of year and morning sunlight streams in through the blinds. The remnants of dreams linger in the bedclothes, scurry into the corners, before dissipating into the blue sky. There is nowhere that I need to be. I'll reclaim those scraps of dreams that remain. My mind will breakfast on them while my body drifts away again.
I'll wake when I want to, and face each day fully restored.

This won't last. There are bills. There is rent. There is a resume I haven't yet set to work on. I'll savor these mornings while I can.